As long as there is life there is hope
Many people have asked me how I lived through the trauma of having a young child diagnosed with a terminal illness. I’m not really sure; all I know is it was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life and I hope I won’t have to face it again. But if I do, I hope that I can carry over the lessons I learned from the first experience. There were good things about what I’ll call my journey, and the good seemed to come at a time when I thought I couldn’t deal with one more diagnosis or medical procedure.
Keeping a positive attitude was key to my sanity. Just how does one do this during one of the most trying experiences known to man? I’d like to tell you it was a conscious effort, but somehow it seemed to be the only way I could cope. When fear and negativity entered my thoughts, I did my best to look for something good that day. Some called it denial; to me it felt like grace.
There were many situations that happened to remind me of how lucky I was. Don’t get me wrong, I would not have chosen this path for my son, daughter, husband or anyone for that matter. But there were many times when I was reminded that things could be worse. Rather than reading the horror stories or studying the statistics, I did my best to look at the positive. After all, I needed to keep myself together, for my son’s sake and the sake of the family, if not for my own.
That is not to say it was easy. In the beginning, both my husband and I walked around in a daze, confused by the unfamiliar medical terms (neither of us had any medical training or background) and fearful that our lack of understanding would result in making the wrong decision for my son’s health. The hospital staff, doctors and nurses, went out of their way to explain things, but most times, we didn’t even know what to ask. When my son’s kidneys failed, the Renal Specialist came and I had no idea who he was (I mean, could someone please tell me where the Renal organ is located in the human body?).
I couldn’t give up hope. As long as there is life, there is hope. I told myself this over and over every day. Today my son is alive and being treated. Some days that was the best I could do. Sure, there were days when I was overcome with fear, but I had to pull back and find something good in the day.